Your most important sex organ is your brain, and I want to encourage you to put that beautiful brain of yours to work as you come up with creative ways to take your sex life to the next level. What follows is a series of writing prompts and activities that will help get your juices flowing (hopefully in more ways than one). You can do these alone and keep them all to yourself, you can do these alone and share them with your partner(s), or you and your partner(s) can sit down together, grab your favorite treat to share, and do these together. Write them, draw them, talk them out, play them out for each other in interpretive dance…. Whatever feels right to you. Enjoy! (If you have any questions, my contact information is at the end.)
Activity: The Language of Lust and Love
I once heard another sex educator say, “Everything you do in bed is sex and everything you do outside the bedroom is foreplay” (I wish I could remember who said this, so if anyone knows, please tell me). The statement stuck with me. I have clients who reach out to me often, looking for ways to spice up their sex life. One of the first things I ask is, “Tell me what “sex” means to you.” A crucial step in discovering and enhancing your sexual pleasure is expanding your definition of what counts as sex. If, for example, you only define sex as a penis entering a vagina (or a mouth or an anus) then you leave out so many wonderful experiences and so many opportunities to get creative. What if sex included all the ways you’re intimate with each other? What if sex also included all the ways you’re intimate with yourself?
Take this opportunity to write out some things that feel really good – really sexy – and see how many you can come up with that don’t involve penetration with a penis. As you’re brainstorming, think about activities you normally think of as foreplay and even activities that you may only think of as flirting. How can you find sexual pleasure in new and exciting ways using the sexual tools you already have in your belt?
Activity: To-Do List
In your Kink Crate this month, you have several types of clips and clamps, along with a book that gives you some great ideas for ways to use them. Nipple play is certainly a fun way to tease and titillate (ha, see what I did there?) but your nipples are only one of many erogenous zones on your body. If your most important sex organ is your brain, your largest sex organ is your skin. What are some of the areas on your body that you neglect during sex and foreplay? What about when you’re pleasuring yourself? Make a list of your un(or under)explored territory.
Activity: Written on the Body
Look back at your list and think about the ways you like to be touched in those places? Do you like to be kissed? Stroked? Nibbled? Tickled? Spanked? Bitten? Squeezed? Pinched? Start drawing a map to all the places you do (and do not) want to explore on your body. Front and back. Include the ways you want to be touched, and the ways you know you do not like to be touched. Also think about any toys or other implements you may want to incorporate and remember to include those, too!
Activity: Wild Cards
Look back at your other activities, think about the lists you’ve been building of things you like (or would like) to do. Grab some 3×5 cards (or even just cut some squares of paper) and start writing out some scenarios, based on the way you’ve been brainstorming, on each one. You’re making a deck of cards that you’ll use to play a fun game. This can be played alone or with as large a group of people as you want. Shuffle the cards and then draw one from the stack. Read it out loud in the sexiest way you can – even if you’re alone. It might feel silly, or make you giggle. It might feel sultry, or make you aroused. It might make you feel a little shy and embarrassed. It might make you feel brave and confident. Pay attention to the way you’re feeling and if you’re enjoying that feeling. If you like the way you feel and you want to keep going, then move forward. If you don’t like the way that sounds or feels, or you don’t want to explore the item on the card, place it back in the deck and draw again. Once you have a card that feels good to you, move forward with the activity.
If you’re alone, imagine the way it will feel to have this thing happen, but don’t act on it yet. If you’re in a pair (or a group), decide if you want to be to the giver or the receiver of the action, and use the card as an opportunity to negotiate a sexy encounter with your partner(s). Once you’ve fully envisioned (and/or negotiated) this sexy scene, act it out! Take your time! Take as long as you want to experience what you or your lover(s) have written out. When you’ve gotten your fill of that activity, draw again (or give someone else a chance to draw again if you’re not playing alone).
Pro Tip: Everyone playing should make at least a few cards for the deck.
I hope these activities have inspired and delighted you. Did you learn anything new about yourself? About your partner(s)? Anything you want to do again? Anything you want to avoid? These kinds of activities can make people feel excited and erotic, but also very vulnerable and exposed. Take some time to journal or talk about what’s working for you and what isn’t, then take care of yourself and each other in whatever ways make you feel loved and supported.
If you have any questions or want to book a sex and relationship educational consultation, please visit professorsex.com for more information.
About the Author:
Professor Sex, aka Angel Kalafatis-Russell (they/them; she/her) is a queer, kinky, polyamorous, sex and relationship educator, scientist, and activist. They are an MSPS (Master of Science in Psychological Science) candidate and research sexologist at the University of North Florida. Additionally, they are currently under supervision by the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) to be a Certified Sexuality Educator. Angel is deeply passionate about sex-positive, inclusive, medically accurate, scientifically informed, pleasure-based sex education. Angel is a certified yoga instructor, avid coffee drinker, and uber-geek (Slytherin). They are currently accepting new clients for sex and relationship education consultations. They can be found in several places online, so it’s best to start at ProfessorSex.com and go from there.
*This article first appeared in the March 2018 KinkCrate handbook. For more information or to subscribe to KinkCrate go to kinkcrate.net/ProfessorSex