The Magic Flute. A stranger went into a bar and told the bartender, “Look. I’m flat broke, and I need a drink. Let me show you a really nifty magic trick that I think you’ll like. If you like it well enough, maybe you can give me a complimentary drink.” The bartender agreed and …
Hooker’s Surprise. A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town doing what boys and girls do in such places. As things started getting hot, the girl suddenly stopped him and said, “Look, I really should have told you this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I …
Taxi Driver’s Fantasy. A nun got into a cab and the driver kept looking at her in the mirror. She asked him why he was staring at her and he said, “Oh, I was just thinking about something, but I don’t want to offend you.” She said, “You can’t offend me, not as old …
The Cider Cure. A little girl came running into the house after a fall crying at the top of her lungs and asking for a glass of cider. “Why do you want cider?” asked Mom. “To make my hand stop hurting,” sobbed the little girl. Trying to humor her and get her calmed down, …
Handyman’s Face. A woman sitting at breakfast asked her husband, “Honey, I plugged the toaster in and sparks were coming out of the receptacle. Do you think you could fix it?” He pointed to his face and asked, “Does this look like the face of an electrician?” Several days later she said, “When I …
Italian Bus Riders. A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat and began an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them tried to ignore them at first, but started listening closely when she heard one of them say, “Emma come first. Den I come, and den two asses, they come togedder. …
Old Timer’s Angina. An elderly couple met in a retirement home, fell in love, and decided to get married. After the ceremony they drove to a seaside motel to spend their honeymoon. After dinner they went to their room for the big night. She sat on the bed and began undressing. When she finished …
Chronic Marriage Problem. A couple married for 30 years was suddenly having compatibility problems. Before resorting to divorce, they agreed to go to a marriage counselor. The counselor called the woman into his office first. “What seems to be the problem with your relationship after all these years?” he asked. “Well, it’s just that …
Elevator Fright. A small guy got on a hospital elevator and had to tip his head back to see the face of the huge guy standing beside him. The huge one extended his hand and introduced himself: “I’m 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 lb left testicle, 3 lb right testicle. …
Drug Reform Persuasion. Two young dudes were picked up by the cops for smoking pot and appeared in court before a judge. The judge told them, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and …
